Hockey banquets & fundraisers
Your team's season, roasted professionally. Nobody gets hurt.
Custom roast scripts and live roast hosting for hockey banquets and fundraisers, written in rink language and kept good-natured.
Takes you to a short inquiry form.
A roast that knows the room, the lingo, and where the line is.
Roast masters from gig marketplaces don't know a chirp from a cheap shot. We research your team, write in hockey language, and keep every joke in good taste, so players laugh the hardest and parents still enjoy dessert.
We work with youth, rec, college, and adult-league teams, and with the boosters and clubs who host their nights.
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Live roast hosting
We run the mic at your banquet or fundraiser, working the room and your roster.
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Custom roast script
Written for your team and delivered to you, for your own coach, captain, or emcee to read.
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Fundraiser nights
A roast as the main event for booster clubs and clubs raising money for the season.
Sample chirps
Sharp on the ice. Soft on the people.
Illustrative lines to show the tone. Your script is built from your own team's season, never from a template.
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The goalie
Our goalie stops everything. Pucks, pregame meals, and any conversation about who left the net at the rink.
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The top line
They have incredible chemistry. Unfortunately, it is all with the puck, and none of it with the pass.
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The coach
Our coach has a system for everything. The system is changing the system after every loss.
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The defenseman
He plays a simple game: dump it, change, and tell everyone about the hit he almost threw.
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The parents
The parents have been in the stands all season, and still think icing is a dessert option.
The rule on every script: aim at the game, the habits, and the running jokes. Never at a kid's looks, family, or the worst moment of the season.
From inquiry to final buzzer.
Three periods, no surprises.
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Brief
Tell us about your team and your night.
Send the event type, the date, the room, and who will be in it. Tell us the running jokes, the nicknames, and the topics that are off limits.
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Write
We research and write in rink language.
Your script is built from your season and your people, then checked against one question: would the player being chirped laugh too?
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Roast
Show up, laugh, and keep the night moving.
Choose live hosting or take the finished script for your own emcee. Either way the room gets the chirps, and nobody goes home bruised.
What you get
- Research into your team, season, and running jokes
- Material written in hockey language, not generic roast filler
- A good-taste check on every line before it reaches the mic
- Live hosting or a finished script, depending on your night
- Content suited to a room with players, parents, and sponsors
Questions from the bench
Will anyone get embarrassed?
That is the one thing we design against. Every line is aimed at the game, habits, and running jokes, and checked for good taste before it reaches the mic.
Can you roast a youth team?
Yes. We write youth material for a room with parents in it: affectionate, clean, and never about a kid's looks, family, or worst moment.
Do you host live or just write the script?
Both. We can host the roast live at your banquet or fundraiser, or write a custom script for your own emcee to deliver.
What do you need from us?
Your team and level, the event date and venue, who will be in the room, the running jokes, and anything that is off limits.
How much does it cost?
It depends on the format and the event. Send a quote request with the details and we will respond with a price.
Book the chirps before the banquet books itself.
Tell us about your team and your night. We'll reply about format, fit, and a price for your event.
Youth, rec, college, or adult league. Banquet, fundraiser, or team party.